There are countless opportunities I missed out on because it felt safer avoiding them.
Yet, the benefits of these opportunities are incredible: Deeper relationships, core memories to look back on, and perspectives that impact me forever.
Who wouldn’t want that?
Except my scared, insecure self kept those benefits from ever happening.
I kept myself safe.
If the survival tool you used when you were younger is still being used as an adult, chances are what keeps you safe is also holding you back. Keeping yourself small, waiting for just the right opportunity to come to you, and avoiding putting yourself in the spotlight are the same mechanisms that keep you from growing, creating meaningful connections, and finding real security.
If this sounds like you, the good news is you aren’t stuck that way.
The answer is in the opportunity you’re afraid of.
Whitewater State Park, Minnesota
The opportunities we ignore
As my girlfriend and I pull into the campground, I’m beaming.
Sure, it’s been a four hour drive, but I’m going to make every ounce of this trip worth it. The area looks beautiful and clean, there are trails nearby to explore, and it’s finally our chance to get away and relax.
If these benefits are so profound, they must come from massive, life changing opportunities—the kind that knock on your door and stop you in your tracks.
They’re not. These are moments that present themselves every day.
What do they look like?
For me, it was when a college friend invited me to play Texas Hold’em with their group. Hours beforehand, I told them I had to drive my mother to an emergency dental appointment. On a Saturday. At 9pm.
It was when I decided my idea wasn’t worth sharing during a brain-storm meeting at work. Someone else proposed the very same idea. It was celebrated.
It was when I stood waiting in line with strangers for hours at an event, waiting for the doors to open. I wanted to strike up a conversation, but was overly worried about saying the right thing. Even after they started chatting with each other, I said nothing. That would have been awkward, I decided. And as I listened, I couldn’t help but notice —it was a great conversation.
These are moments that present themselves every day.
In every moment I told myself ‘I’d rather not.’
Breaking out of that mindset is easier said than done. Your worries take free reign and you make the choice that keeps you safe.
But those worries are lying—they’re not keeping you safe, they’re keeping you comfortable.
Keeping you from meeting someone that could radically influence your life.
Keeping you from a moment that—even if it goes sideways—teaches you a lesson that shapes who you are.
Keeping you from living—instead, just surviving.
An uncomfortable yes
The visitor center is bigger than I expected. I scan the room as we wait for the park ranger to bring our camping permits. Flyers lined the walls.
There is usually some event being advertising at these parks. None of these involved my own plan, so I had little interest in them. Likely obvious enough to my girlfriend, who was met with a, “Oh, yeah, mhm, neat…” when she pointed out one in particular.
This event is early tomorrow morning. It involves meeting with a group of other people. There’s some type of assigned task.
No, thank you. That sounds awful.
After a gracious goodbye to the ranger, I eagerly walk back to the car. Adventure awaited.
“Hey, are you sure you’re not interested?” my girlfriend asks. Her voice is hopeful.
Actually, I am interested. It even sounds like fun.
But that’s not the problem.
Now, the full weight of choice on me. I ruminated for a moment. My choice is between what I know will work out, or something else I didn’t know and felt uncomfortable with.
She really wants to try it.
I say yes, not entirely certain of my choice.
I wish I could say this wasn’t a hard decision. Just go do the thing, right? I consider myself adventurous, anyway.
But it was hard. My discomfort outweighed reason.
The fear was absolutely real.
I could list a dozen reasons why saying yes would be fine. But logic didn’t matter. My gremlins were already whispering:
“You’ll feel out of place. You won’t know what to do. What if you regret it?”
These are exactly the opportunities to say ‘yes’ to.
It’s when an opportunity presents itself and your go-to response is, ‘I’d rather not.’
When emotional discomfort begs you to stick with what you know.
When the opportunity is something you’re actually curious about.
When you have no idea what’s on the other side.
As you feel the fear in these moments, recognize it is telling you a story. You can choose to believe it or not.
When we let fear dictate our choices, there is more at stake than just comfort. Every choice you make out of fear impacts how you feel about yourself.
I could list a dozen reasons why saying ‘yes’ would be fine. But logic didn’t matter.
You give up your integrity for the sake of comfort.
These moments might seem small, but they leave a mark. Every time you make a choice that bets against yourself, it stings. These small choices influence how you see yourself.
The good news? The choice always available to you.
You can absolutely bet on yourself.
And the benefits are incredible.
'Yes' becomes unforgettable
A dozen or so people make their way towards the cabin while the park ranger waits to give instructions.
Every year, newly hatched turtles seek out the wetlands that will serve as their permanent homes. They could end up traveling many miles towards their destination.
The problem is what’s often between them—in this case, a busy highway.
Our job is to help these baby turtles safely across.
As the park ranger explains, I finally let myself get excited. She explains the process, the different types of turtles we might find, and how to log everything properly.
My worries settled as I realized this isn’t nearly going to be as bad as I thought.
If you follow the photos in the same way I experienced it, you came to the same conclusion I did.
This is pretty damn great.
As we left, there was even a local watermelon festival we were ecstatic to check out.
And to this day it’s wild to me that it almost didn’t happen.
This moment I get to cherish and hold and proudly share the story of. It goes beyond even cute turtles: this is my moment of choosing courage over safety.
Some of my most cherished memories came from moments I didn’t plan. A close friendship, incredible sights, and even negative events that have shaped my values and greatly impact who I am today.
Those all came from moments I found myself in—in opportunities that present themselves.
A great deal of it is out of our control, yet key moments depend on the choices that lead us there.
Where would I be if I had said ‘no’ instead?
This is my moment of choosing courage over safety.
These are the lessons and experiences that saying yes to opportunities grants us.
It’s from stepping outside of what we do know and into what we don’t.
And I have good news.
Since I decided to say ‘yes’ to opportunities, not one has turned out as badly as I feared. Some even gave me gifts I can’t imagine being without.
I suspect you’ll find the same.
Say ‘yes’ to opportunities despite the instinct to say no.
The desire to lean into comfort and what you know doesn’t go away.
You must actively choose the life you want to lead.
It wasn’t an accident that brought this opportunity to me. It is because I decided to say yes to something instead of, ‘I’d rather not.’
Look back on your life. How many opportunities did you say yes to that didn’t go nearly as badly as you were worried they would?
How many did you say no to because your fear took the steering wheel?
And how many of those could have added to your life?
Your choices aren’t over yet.
Here’s how you start
As you pursue this new goal for yourself, here are some milestones you can adopt. Milestones can help you see progress where you might have overlooked it. They are small wins you can celebrate during your broader journey. These are just examples—feel free to make your own.
1) Acknowledge the fear.
Recognize your discomfort when an opportunity presents itself to you. Notice your reaction and tendency to remain in comfort and safety. Pause before instinctively saying no. Interrupt the worried conversation in your head that’s already begun. Consider instead: What if you said yes?
2) Make a small yes.
Practice choosing something low-stakes but still within your control such as trying a coffee shop you haven’t been to before, taking a different route home, join a trivia night or even a nearby conversation.
We do this to practice courage for when an unexpected opportunity comes our way.
3) Reflect after your yes.
As you find yourself in situations that you might normally avoid, deliberately notice how it is going compared to how you worried it would go. Even as you find yourself uncomfortable, is it as bad as you thought it would be?
4) An unexpected yes.
An opportunity presented itself to you—an invitation by someone else, an event flyer on the wall, or a class—something that caught your curiosity which your discomfort clearly tells you to avoid, despite your interest.
Do it. Say yes.
5) Recognize your growth.
Even if present, is the fear quieter? Recognize what once felt terrifying now feels manageable or even normal.
You have my absolute permission and encouragement to give yourself a high-five.
Moving baby turtles to safety is absolutely a highlight in my life. If you’d like to know more about this process and turtle safety, you do so through the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources.
Big shout-out to the beautiful Whitewater State Park where all of this could happen.
